THE BON SLIME

THE BON SLIME

Have you ever seen the giant three tongued rhino under your bed? The four eyed spider in the cupboard below the stairs, and of course the really big snake with fingers in your attic? No? They aren’t there? What is wrong with you- I myself have met them- and yes, they told me to deliver food to your house address! You don’t believe in monsters- are you kidding me?

Well if you don’t… too bad. I do. I have to- running a bakery for monsters! It’s called the Bon Slime, by the way. Did you just say what nonsense that is? Of course it exists. And no, I haven’t escaped from an asylum or something. Then who am I ? Oh, I can’t tell you that. You would look me up in the address book and report me to the police- or worse, actually manage to visit my bakery! No, no that would be horrible for business, all the monsters would run away.

Will you let me continue? I am trying to say something here…stop with the unbelieving, ‘are you mad’, ‘what nonsense’ question. Seriously.

My Restaurant and Bakery , the Bon Slime, as I was saying, is somewhere in this city. Can’t tell you where for previously mentioned reasons. Why am I telling you this? You humans have to believe in those poor monsters! They might look creepy, might be man-eaters, might have powers like killer eyes and poison spraying ears, but they’re harmless. Believe me! If you don’t believe in them, they might fade away…and by that I mean become extinct. Good riddance, you say? Oh, you hypocrites! You do so much abut your random exotic species which are becoming extinct….don’t let me start on that.

To keep going (finally, after your interruptions), the Bon Slime is one of the most popular monster bakeries and restaurants (Yes, there are others). It’s one of the top 5 in the one of the world’s top food magazines, Monsters & Munches. I get all kinds of monsters- tiny laser ants, to 1,000 ton Lizzisnaikes 

(  A Lizard, Snake, Pike crossbreed, you silly person. Sometimes I do think some monsters are smarter than humans…)

I make a new menu every month- wanna see this month’s?

 MENU (APRIL-MARCH)

ITALIAN & MEXICAN CUISINE (EUROPEAN):

    Medusa-hair pasta

    Pike Tail Pizza

    Crunchy Beetle Ravioli in Stewed Cat Hair

    Blue Glue Gnocchi

    Double decker taco- Eagle Beak and Bedbug with Blood Salsa

    Elephant Tail Tortillas

    Bat Spit Cheese and Squirrel Tail Nachos.

INDIAN & CHINESE CUISINE (ASIAN) :

    HERBED FINGER CURRY WITH TANDOORI ROASTED NAIL NAAN

    EARWAX PULAO

    TIGER CLAWNAIL FRIED RICE

    CRUNCHY LADYBUGS IN SCHEZWAN SAUCE

    BUTTERFLY TORSO NOODLES

BAKERY & DESSERT MENU

DESSERTS:

             Caramelized Ant Pie

             Chocolate Lizard Tail Fantasy

Please check counter for other delicacies!

SAVOURY BAKERY ITEMS

         Spicy Dragonfly Puff

         Fly & Mosquito Toast

 Oh dear! I think I lost the next page… and the American one in the middle…. You’re fine without it? Alright. So, what do you think of my bakery? It’s rather crazy? You’re right…you should’ve seen the other day when that Transylvanian Bat Coven of a 100 came and protested about my use of bat blood! I assured them that we only used bat skin and showed them my METM (Monsters for the Ethical Treatment of Monsters) certificate, which certifies our animal product suppliers that they only took dead animal products. They were fine after that, but ordered one hundred Double Decker Tacos and Nachos with Extra Blood Salsa- you should’ve seen the madness in the kitchen!

 Oh My God, look at the time! I must be off- Goodbye and thanks for listening…What? Oh, you want to know how I appeared in your living room without you opening the locked front door? That’s a story for another day…I’ll tell you next time I come around, and don’t forget to tell the Spider Sam (The four eyed spider in the cupboard under the stairs) and Fingered Snake from the attic and of course Toby- the three tongued rhino from under your bed- that I said hi!